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I've debated whether or not to post about this on my blog for a long time. But I think the time has come and I just want to let it out. I could never say this if my blog was associated with my name. Though a few select people know my true identity, I trust them enough that it doesn't bother me to reveal this very personal issue in my life.

I'm getting a divorce. About 2 months after my dad passed away, my wife decided to have an affair that I discovered a few weeks later (note to spouses of litigators: don't bother, you'll get caught eventually, probably sooner than later). We tried to reconcile but she "relapsed" and this time it only took me 4 days to figure it out (note to spouses: really, I mean it, don't bother, we're professional liar-catchers by trade). Since then, we have been on an emotional rollercoaster and our marriage has been on one day and off the next as both of us tried to figure out how we got to where we did and where to go from there. But as of today, it is off, and I think I am going to keep it that way.

I don't hate my wife. I love her, and she loves me, which makes this all the more painful for both of us. There are many reasons why people decide to have affairs. My wife is a troubled and emotionally wounded person from living a life filled with difficult obstacles. That is how I found her, and when I first met her I made the conscious choice to accept it and try and show her that life can be gentler than what she has experienced. I may have been naive in having that attitude. Until she chooses to confront the inner demons within her that caused her to make the choices that she has, she will not be able to enjoy a loving and honest relationship with another person. She is a very good, kind, and decent person, but she needs to go on a personal journey in order to reach some conclusions about herself, and about life. I had hopes that this personal journey would occur in time for us to save our marriage. But it will not, or at least I don't know that it will in the next months, years, or decades. If it does happen, she knows to come to me if her heart still wants to, to see where I am and to see if there is a place we can both go together, as we once did. I won't wait for that day, but I want her to try anyway.

As you can tell, I love her deeply. But I said goodbye to her today, in preparation for saying goodbye tomorrow to the most painful year of my relatively young life. But to end the year on a high and start the new one with flair, as of this evening I am the proud owner of a brand spankin' new BMW. As a coworker and friend told me over lunch today, if there's anyone who deserves buying themselves a Christmas present like that, it's me. So Merry Christmas me, and Happy New Year to all of you.